Waiting... Day 16

Take a walk in my shoes...

So I heard from the hiring executive yesterday. She let me know I am still a strong candidate, but that they were going to be
interviewing a couple of other candidates for one of the jobs I applied for. She asked for some further feedback on how I would tackle the job.

At first I didn't know whether to be worried or relieved. I did send an email outlining some of my thoughts and ideas for developing a solid program. But as the afternoon turned into evening the doubts crept in. How much longer was this going to take? How many more weeks will I be forced to hang by a thread? Why do I feel like I am being re-interviewed over and over again? Is there something about me that makes them hesitate?

Finally, how much longer am I going to have to wait for a job? Haven't I paid my dues? Two years of ups and downs and worries and strife. Two years of pinching, scrimping, borrowing. Two years of dumbing myself down, humbling myself, selling myself short to find a job, and I still come up empty over and over.

And yet life goes on. I still have kids that I am responsible for. My son is excited to get his driver's license next week, but I'm not sure I can afford the increased insurance premium. My tires are getting dangerously bald. Soon I am going to have to find some way to replace them. And now summer is coming which means no sub jobs for three months- no income, little as it was.

I've been down this road before and it takes a massive effort to pull myself out of the dark pit and just focus on the day in front of me. Everyone tells me that I need to stay positive, to stay upbeat, but only those who have been there know how much energy and effort it takes to keep calm and positive when you can't see the horizon.

We are all struggling with something- loss of a loved one, loss of a relationship, loss of income, loss of a job. And sometimes no matter how many times we count our blessings, fear takes ahold of us. Hope and faith are blocked out like a dark cloud covering the sun.

Lately the clouds have covered my sun, and I hope that soon the clouds will part and hope and faith will shine down on me again.