Waiting... Day 17

Channeling Tawanda....

For those of you who remember Tawanda from "Fried Green Tomatoes" you will know where I am coming from. If you are one of the unfortunate few who have never read the book (even better than the movie), I encourage you to indulge soon, especially if you are reaching transition time in your own life.

Tawanda is a middle-aged woman's alter-ego and self made super hero. The woman takes the long suppressed anger that has burst to the surface during her peri-menopause years and begins to channel it through her alter-ego. It is a safe way for her to explore her feelings of anger over her changing body and changing roles in life.

There is the realization that she is no longer "Mommy," now that her children are growing up and have left the nest. The feelings of being invisible everywhere she goes, from the grocery store to within her own home. The anger of her needs being ignored by her husband. The injustice of coming in last for being a "lady" and a "good girl" all of her life.

The discovery of the anger we carry deep inside can be a shock. We snap back and stand up for ourselves in ways we never have before. Instead of "keeping the peace" we start to stir things up. We are more insistent that our needs be heard. The anger strips away the layers of protection that we have wrapped tightly around ourselves in order to cope. Anger can be cathartic, but it can also burn those who love us most.

Tawanda started out getting rid of rapists, child molesters, and men who abused women, but when Tawanda was channeled to ram a car that had taken her parking spot, Tawanda's creator realized that anger had turned into unbridled rage.

Anger can wake us up, and affect positive change if we use it wisely and sparingly, but we need to discover and acknowledge the source of our anger. Most often it masks the fear and pain we are trying to hide from ourselves and others.

I've had to remind myself not to channel Tawanda to wreck havoc on those who have sparked my rage. I need to step back and take a deep breath, to set aside the anger in order to discover what is really going on.

In one instance it is fear- that my children will be further hurt by the choices made by their father and myself. In another case, the anger is fear and frustration over being powerless to control my destiny in terms of this job that I continue to hope for. And the final bit of anger is fear that these frustrations will eventually push away the ones I love most.

Perhaps I better save Tawanda for the BP executives, the politicians who are clueless, and phone solicitor that continues to call.