The gifts

I got a nice note from a friend last night. She was commenting on my post from yesterday about moving on in stages. Letting go of the past, even if that includes people who cannot seem to forgive or accept the new reality.

I am re-printing some of my response to her note. It is about faith, my own faith and how despite the bitter disappointments, the pain and the loss of so much during this time of transition, I remain hopeful that things will make sense in the end.

Here it is:


Thanks for the beautiful insights. My writing is my way of slowly figuring things out, trying to make sense of this life. I have heard many stories from many wounded people over the years and every person who has true, deep faith has their own crucifixion story.

When I first "got" my faith, (really understood it for the first time in my life), I was filled with zeal but also the self righteous "only one path to God" ideal that can consume us. The religion and all its pomp and circumstance, rules and regulations, became more important than the man who died trying to explain to the self righteous that the rules, pomp and circumstance didn't amount to anything if you ignored the wounds - your own and others, and lost the compassion to love, yourself and others.

I have learned that each person's story tells of the individual who is humbled, or brought low by circumstances. Each person suffers the rejection of friends, the ridicule of the authorities, and the isolation and alienation from the group we held close.

I know I have felt all of those things, and I understand why so many turn their backs on LOVE because the path is never straight nor easy.

I've given up on the Church (Catholic Church), but I have not given up on God. And I definitely know the cool Jesus, who laughs, and loves and forgives others for having no imagination.

Because the gift of suffering is what you receive: you gain wisdom, the grace to forgive, and the keen insight that everyone is wounded, and everyone can be healed with LOVE.

I believe God works with what he has. And sometimes the process looks messy to us, but the end result is pure beauty.