Waiting.... Day 23

"Maybe when you finally get to the end of your rope, things will begin to turnaround"

At the end of another week, and not one little fish in the resume net I cast yet again in the waters of employment.

I received some excellent advice from a friend the other day, and on her suggestion I applied to Americorp/Vista.
You don't make much money, but you do make a difference. "Imagine how interesting your resume will be- you took a year to
work for Habitat for Humanity or the Literacy Council tutoring/ mentoring high risk kids," she said.

Perhaps... At this point, what do I have to lose? Money is money, and although it is about as much as I made during my short stint at Publix, it would pay the bills. More important (to me), it would be a more rewarding way to earn money than working as a cashier at a supermarket.

So, I applied and also found some openings on a non-profit employment website. It feels good to stay proactive, but with summer looming I am coming to the end of my rope. As I ponder my situation, I continue to search my mind for some solution to my immediate cash flow problems, I began to think about all the cliches that have been tossed my way the last two years.

I've heard them all, and I am frankly sick of hearing how things will get better. That does not offer any comfort. I've been surviving for two years, day by day. Sometimes the fear overwhelms me, the disappointment of another setback, the sheer frustration of coming up empty wears me down.

I often think of those who survived the Great Depression. I'll bet many of them will tell you the same thing I've learned- that in the end, your survival instinct is what saves you from drowning in despair. It's primal, this drive to find a way out of this mess.
I feel like I am far from shore and every time that I begin to get closer to the beach, a rip current takes me out to sea.

I'm kicking my legs as hard as I can to get back within site of the shore. I am gathering all of my mental, physical and emotional strength to get to that beach. I have to trust in myself, I don't have the time, the hope or the faith to wait on the lifeguard to notice I'm drowning. The only one who can save me- is me.