North of Eternal Optimism and West of Despair

Somewhere between optimism and cynicism is where you'll find me...

I've been thinking about this the last few weeks as life continues unfolding. I would have never been accused of being a Pollyanna in the past, and yet, I've always leaned more towards the glass half-full than half-empty philosophy.

I tend to believe people have the best of intentions and am often surprised when someone acts out of their own selfish desire. I think I've always believed if I played by the rules, then others did too. Those backstabbing, underhanded, wheeler dealer types of people were more often found of tv dramas and soaps than in my life.

But, transition time and it's effects has brought a greater cynicism about most of my fellow human beings. I feel as if someone has taken off the rose colored glasses and I am seeing people for the first time. Some are strangers, some are/were colleagues, others are closer to home.

I've been mostly disillusioned with the the backhandedness of the job world. It doesn't matter how qualified you are in most cases, it's who you know. Most teaching positions are filled internally. If you are a substitute looking to get hired then you need to dazzle not only the principal, but you most also suck up to the front office staff, butter up all the teachers, and do not do anything that could be gossiped about in the teacher's lounge. And that still doesn't guarantee they will consider you for the job.

Many jobs searches these days subject you to a lengthly application process followed by an even longer series of interviews. You meet with the supervisor, the head of the department, and even the people you would work with get a vote in the process. It is exhausting to bounce from interview to interview, answering the same questions and trying to make your answers sound fresh and different. I feel like a Miss America contestant with some of the inane questions that are posed. In the end, when they choose another candidate I wonder if it was because of the lack of a key skill, or the staff just didn't like my outfit that day.

The search for a job has certainly raised my level of cynicism, but it has crept into other areas of my life as well. I question people's motives more than I did in the past. My bullshit meter has become as sensitive as a dog's nose. The half truths, the posturing, the embellished and sometimes fabricated stories to make one look like a hero, I can sniff it out, and it's not getting past me anymore.

In fact, I am becoming bolder and more outspoken when I feel an overwhelming skepticism. I have no more patience for it.
Why? Is it the general disillusionment with the job search? Is it part of growing older and wiser? Is it unique to me, or are other people feeling the same way?

I'd sure like to sit down over a glass of wine and find out....