Roots

Ok, I am going to make an admission- I dye my hair.
It's pure vanity, I know, but the gray is spreading faster than crab grass across my scalp.
I didn't inherit the good hair genes, I got the early graying ones.

I went blonde in high school. My hair had been a reddish- blonde, but I had moved to Florida and wanted my hair to match my Hawaiian tropic tan. I tried lemon juice, and Sun In. I achieved modest results. The Florida sunshine and the chlorine in the pool did more to lighten my tresses than the dyes.

Pregnancy made me swear off hair dyes for a while, but then I found some gray hairs. Now the war had begun in earnest. Professional blonde highlights covered those few stray, grays.

As I entered my 40's many emotions were stirring deep within me. My life felt as fake as my false blonde hair. I slowly peeled back the layers of camouflage, painstakingly uncovering my authentic self. I was ready to get back to my roots.

I went to my hairdresser and asked her to bring me back to my original shade. She was shocked and refused to do something "so drastic." I thanked her,removed the cape, and went home. Two hours later I emerged with a beautiful mane of shining red locks.

Looking in the mirror I saw for the first time in twenty years, the girl I had left behind.

The Change

Today's post is about a subject near and dear to so many of us: Menopause.

I'm actually referring to peri-menopause, which is the time before menopause. I prefer the old fashioned term "the Change."

That seems to sum it all up: Change. As some wise soul once noted, being a woman is not for wimps. As my husband pointed out, that excludes most men.

From the time we hit puberty we are at the mercy of all those fabulous hormones. We learn how to surf on the wild monthly waves of irritability, bloat, cramps, and the worst- mood swings.
For at least a week we live in the paranoid world where we believe everyone is talking about us, looking at us, and no one really understands us.

Once we get a semi-grip on this monthly Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, we get pregnant. Now we have nine months of crying because our significant other bought the wrong brand of canola oil. We endure the moods, the aches, and the big cherry on the top- labor, because in the end we have a beautiful baby to hold and love.

As we enter our 40's we are greeted with a little taste of what's to come. It's like entering puberty all over again. Zits, body changes (only this time not the positive ones), and mood swings. BIG mood swings.

Those old hormones are really working us over like an old Jane Fonda aerobic workout. We sweat- while we SLEEP! We feel uncomfortable in our own bodies. We don't know who we are anymore, and we damn sure don't want anyone telling us what to do!

Remember Towanda from the movie "Fried Green Tomatoes?"

Towanda was Evelyn's (Kathy Bates), menopausal alter-ego. Towanda spoke up for herself. She righted the injustices within Evelyn's world. I'll bet we all of us at the menopause crossroads has met their Towanda.

I think the Change is not just about our changing bodies. It's about re-defining ourselves. We live by our labels: mother, spouse, daughter, friend, job, and in the process lose our authentic selves.

If we listen to our Towanda's, we can re-discover what really matters to us and embrace the Change as our time to re-invent ourselves.