The Volumes of my Life

"Sometimes you have to let go of the person you think you are, in order to become the person you were meant to be."

I've often viewed my transitional time as a series of books. Each book contains a period of my life. Some of the books are fat and long, others are slim and contain few chapters.

The last ten years of my life have been the most turbulent, so far. I realize this volume of my life entitled, Journey's End, began in my late 30's. Restless and longing for something as yet undefined I began the long voyage of self-discovery. I entered graduate school, changed career paths, and eventually ended my marriage of twenty years. That used to be the end of the book, but I've revised my ending to include being fired from my job with the church.

That was the final act of the long process of letting go of all that formerly defined me; Penney wife, good Catholic, dutiful daughter, peace keeping family member, staunch supporter, ever loyal friend.

This has not been easy. As Katrina Kenison describes, "But the letting go, as we must all learn from experience, isn't just a simple choice between one way of being or another. Suffering is almost always part of it, and loss."

Identities die slowly. And new ones grow little by little. I have noticed that some of these labels were of my own invention and others were pinned on me. I chafed under their weight until I realized I could no longer carry so many layers and still make my way along the path. So one by one I have shed each label like skin off a snake.

Shedding each layer has revealed something new and exciting. I have discovered and re-discovered so many wonderful gifts, talents and dreams. Shedding the external self has given me the opportunity to focus on my inner self. I have become re-acquainted with the girl I used to be. The girl who wanted to be a pioneer, to try new things, to create and nurture her gifts and share them with others.

This has become the theme of my newest volume to be titled, "the Wonder Years."